Why working with love, purpose brings more success than working for money, for power? Yoga Karma tea
Since 2003 Yoga has been a strong part of my life, this might seem a contradiction – working in a multinational company and still feel myself a yogini from my soul… I found a place for a yogini as a general manager in a multinational company, indeed, GM in 2 different companies, in 2 different continents. A Yogini proud of delivering results, increasing market share, and also proud of motivating people to love to give results and celebrating stepping up the ranking of biggest companies in the country… It was not always like this – I have doubted thousand times if I could live the yoga life style, mainly with 4 Yamas that I admire most; Satya (pure truth), Ahimsa (Love, non violence), Asteya (not crave for wealth, power, fame or whatever that might guide you to steal or do “evil”), Aparigraha (not being “greedy”, not looking for what you do not need for live, not cumulating things you do not need…). Most of the yoguis judge multinationals and criticise the executives working with them, they judge all executives as being all opposite of being yogi, it is even worst to be in this group while working for a pharmaceutical company. Once when I was living in Budapest, 2005, and I was the head of a Healthcare Company, I was in love with yoga, I was a vegetarian, doing 10 days fasting twice a year and I went to a yoga retreat with only raw food. I was so happy the first day, practicing yoga, meditating, eating super healthy. During the dinner, a discussion started about how much damage the pharmaceutical companies were doing to the world and how the cure of cancer was already discovered but the companies were hiding it for their own profit… Judgment, criticism, which I analyse now as pure Avidya (lack of knowledge), one of the reasons of human suffering. I was not mature, and I judged myself, even being super hyper proud of what I was doing. I gathered my stuff while everybody was sleeping and I left… This Sunday I had a great conversation with my mother, I told her that I decided to leave my company or to ask for a sabbatical year, go to India, learn deeper the Yoga and try to help people and spread love around the world in India, Africa… My mother asked me if I thought that what I was doing was not doing good for people, and I just answered that, on the contrary, I did believe that the company was saving lives, but the image did not reflect the reality. Also that I did believe that I was touching my team’s heart, but I felt it was too difficult to be “different”, a person who talks about love in a multinational. I remembered hearing (we were by the phone, she in Brazil and I was in Hungary) her laughing and she just answered: “yes my daughter, I agree with you, it is indeed much easier to spread love and kindness in Africa and India where everybody is open to receive it, it is too much of a challenge to change the profile of a multinational and prove that what they are doing fits the values you have, it is too much of a challenge to lead a company with love…” Well, guess what?? …here I am, 9 years later, a different GM in Venezuela who talks about working with live, and during these years I read more and more about yoga, I discover that being a yogini is not how much further you push your leg into your ear, but deeper, you have to believe that love and peace of mind guide your life. All these doubts made me understand that, if you work for the simple reason that you love what you do and you want to prove that your values are aligned with your companies, and your purpose of life is aligned with its purpose, you will work much harder, you will work to deliver the mission of the company, that mixes with your own mission and when this happens, all comes, you can inspire, you can influence, you are consistent on what you say and what you do, the results are not celebrated for the finances they bring, but for the good deed they represent. I started to understand the pattern; always when I did not focus on the bonus itself, I did not focus on the financial results or on the image I would enjoy, but, always when I did something with passion, enjoying fully the work itself, all the results used to come so, so constantly… I understood then the results I was always achieving by reading in Bhagavad Gita about Karma Yoga – yoga by action. “Work alone is your privilege, never the fruits thereof. Never let the fruits of action be your motive; and never cease to work. Work in the name of your purpose, a greater good, abandoning self desires. Be not affected by success or failure. This is called Yoga.” ….Yoga, thousand of years ago, taught us what experts in psychology are telling us now – find a purpose for you and your team which is aligned with your company purpose and the results will come… …and finally the yoga tells – the one who truly work for the sake of working, for a greater good, and inspires and influence others to do the same, building a better world, shall receive more and more to be able to influence more people to do even a better universe! I do work for a greater good, I did find a company that has it in its core, and I have a team that does believe in a purpose, we are looking for a balance, whatever it means. …and I do believe, from the bottom of my heart and my soul that the results we are achieving are to give an example that, believing in this greater good,
…and how to support the Venezuelans to stay, those who do not want to leave, but stay, in peac
The Venezuelans that live day after day seeing relatives, friends, colleagues leaving the country, sometimes without nothing, just the I-can-not-stand-anymore feeling that bring your emotions completely out of control, are the ones under more pressure. These Venezuelans that sometimes see themselves celebrating birthdays, anniversaries through skype or facetime, usually are in the edge of being resilient or simply deciding to leave as well… How can we help, support these Venezuelans that really want to stay, do not have plans to leave, but the environment, circumstances are bringing them to make decisions based on emotions, and based on a situation that will change, we are not sure when, but it will change… My actual doubt is to find out where is the limit between supporting someone to stay in their country or to support them to come to the decision they are about to take based on emotions, not necessarily the “adequate” ones… I do feel an urge to provide a good place for these people to work, I feel the urge to make it transparent for them, both the challenges, but also our role in being part of the solution rather than being the problem, and how much we are important for everything that is happening. Although I have once decided to leave my country, I also want to provide the right environment for the people to have the chance to be able to take THEIR right decision… I see as the best solution supporting the colleagues and friends to work on their resilience, as being resilient will give most of the people the right control of emotions to identify when the decisions are made out of lack of emotional control, or after a good analysis consequence of a very good emotional control, fruit of a resilient life style… 🙂 But all in all, I try to support, and the best way I think I can do it is working hard and trying to find the opportunities in each challenge, by recognising the importance and impact each of us have on others lives! I understood that better than words is action, showing consistency between what you say and what you do. People observe you more than they listen to you, I am more of a speaker, but I do try to make it clear what I admire from Venezuela, from its peculiarities, from it uniqueness…. By just showing my love to Venezuela I hope to make some people, who do not want to leave Venezuela, have a reason to stay, not because I LOVE Venezuela and do believe in it, but because I make them remember what is their essence, because I make them remember why they should be proud of being Venezuelans and living in Venezuela! …the important is to have a common commitment, all of us who are in Venezuela and have chosen to stay, we should not criticise who left, or who want to leave, neither should we “bad mouth” the country we are in – as someone told me this week – “There is a lot of good things in Venezuela to make us stay – some are like roots – under the soil, not seen or recognised, but they are strong roots. From strong roots, it is impossible to grow weak trees….” This is Venezuela, a fertile soil, with strong roots, from these roots, strong Venezuelans are born each year, and a strong Venezuela is built!! No matter what you are thinking, not matter what decision you make, just never forget to love Venezuela – “she” deserves all our love, and know you always can make a difference!!
Venezuelans leaving Venezuela, we should not judge or criticise, we should support…
But after seeing more and more people coming to my office to say goodbye, and see inside the eyes of each one, the speech had changed a lot… I can not count how many people have come to tell that it was an opportunity that they could not refuse, but also telling that they are not giving up on their country… The going “expat”, the challenge of going to another country is also bringing a rare feeling in Venezuelans, people lately had had a bad emotion to accept a proposal outside, or when they finally decide to leave the country, the guilty has become a nightmare… Last weeks, not only in my work, but also outside, I have repeated many times that deciding to leave does not mean giving up on their country. Indeed each Venezuelan behaviour and each Venezuelan success outside brings an image to Venezuela that can change the bad impression raised by all circumstances…. Once one decides to go, should not have this additional feeling of guilty, should not listen to the people who judge, or criticise. The choice of staying or going is very private and the reasons do not matter for anybody but the person him/herself. Neither should the person feel sorry or excuse him/herself to the ones who stay… I heard, 2 weeks ago, somebody who told me that she should talk to me, she does not work with me anymore, but she decided to leave, she was very nervous and told me that she needed to apologise to me, that she needed to tell me herself the reasons why she decided to go, simply because she felt very bad for leaving her country while someone foreigner as me stay with all the love and all the faith on her country… As I said, our motives are only ours, and from the bottom of my heart I have too many reasons to stay, I have too many “missions” I still did not finish… Among them around 6000 patients that depend on us to further live… I do not feel myself a heroine or anything that one should be over proud of herself, what I do feel is just a clear feeling that here is my place right now, exactly as once, in 1999, I also felt that my place was the world… I also left my country, I also left my family, my friends, my workplace, I also felt sorry for leaving and not growing and fighting for my country, but something bigger attracted me, the world… Now, not less than before, I have not 1 country, but 6, I do not have the same friends, but I have many more who were worth the sacrifice, I miss my workplace, I even changed the company I work for and still feel in love with my work, and above all, I have a family, which I would never have if I had not left my country, and this is part of my deepest mission in Venezuela. When we all realise that life will always bring us to the right path, when we all find the correct faith, the correct trust in ourselves, we will take decisions easier, and then we will have our mind, our hearts together with our purpose focused on finding the “right place at the right moment” – and only at this moment we will know that we are doing the right thing, and we will not apologise, feel sorry, we will have only to balance our feelings of leaving something to meet other somethings, we will only have to see forward and live our lives, giving ourselves the chance of trying, mainly if your are sure of your purpose and believe it from the bottom of your heart with all values and principles that back you up… Take your chance, live your journey, and assure to make a difference in people and make the world a better place!<a href=”https://polldaddy.com/p/9017590” target=”_blank”>Take Our Poll</a>
Resilience – last learnings….
Lately, the most used, remembered word, has been resilience… Different coaches, different people, have given different definitions, but my preferred one is : “From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Psychological resilience is defined as an individual’s ability to properly adapt to stress and adversity. Stress and adversity can come in the shape of family or relationship problems, health problems, or workplace and financial worries, among others.[1] Resilience is not a rare ability; in reality, it is found in the average individual and it can be learned and developed by virtually anyone. Resilience should be considered a process, rather than a trait to be had.[2] There is a common misconception that people who are resilient experience no negative emotions or thoughts and display optimism in all situations. Contrary to this misconception, the reality remains that resiliency is demonstrated within individuals who can effectively and relatively easily navigate their way around crises and utilize effective methods of coping.[3][4][5][6] In other words, people who demonstrate resilience are people with optimistic attitude and positive emotionality; they are by practice able to effectively balance negative emotions with positive ones.[1]“ I love this definition, because it does not tell that you have to smile always, it does not tell you that you have to be ever happy – but, following the definition of my daughter – “It is when Ms Happiness is able to make Mr Sadness or Mr Fury smile…” meaning, you know what is making you sad or angry, but you are also able to see a smile there, an opportunity… Another nice thought about resilience is being able to see each fall, each difficulty as the brick that builds the building stronger… You will not hide the “scars” made by the hurtful event, but you will show it elegantly and with proud, because it is the charm to share your fights and your survival! But better than this is to understand and be aware that being resilient is not a gift, it is not coming from the genes, but it is result of efforts, building habits and mainly being able to manage your emotions correctly… 🙂 I am in my way to learn how to build it, I feel I have to be an expert on resilience so I can be an example and I can help whoever needs, but indeed, now I am having so many role models in my work, in my life, in my children, that I am sure that I will turn to be a very resilient person by “osmosis”… Right now, just by walking through the corridors through my workplace, praying with my children every night, living day after day, finding thousand things to be thanking for when I wake up, have been the best way to feel resilient! To close, I share a phrase that I have remembered in many different moments when my soul does not allow me to be a learner instead of being a judger – when I have to put my neurones to activate their synapses to work – brain work, not heart work – rationalising a fact that irritates me… “It is not the fact itself which irritates you , it is the judgment you make of it, it is your interpretation, your perspective of the fact that makes you irritated, not the fact…” So learn – whatever you feel about something is not about this something, it is about how you are seeing it….. #resilience
Life Miracles… 2 years ago, 2 years later…
Today I came into a post in facebook of 2 years ago… “…today, 2 years ago…” It was a picture of an early dinner in our club, VAAC, in Caracas. It was Sunday, closing the year, 2 years ago… The happiness, the problems, the issues were the same quantity, the same effect in our hearts, but different…. 2 years ago, the family worries were 2 persons worries, the professional worries were about values, dreams, peoples future… 2 years ago, I had no clue what was about to come with the new year… 2 years ago, the present was so present, that no past disturbed, and no future made me dream… 2 years ago, the problems and worries blinded me, my focus was in my work, in my fights, in my husband, in my company, and nothing could break me… 2 years ago, I had a strength that made my heart a stone, my mind sharp, my wishes material… 2 years ago I had no dream of love, the pure type, the unconditional type… 2 years ago, still I was so happy, so happy, that I could not ask for more… These are the miracles of life… When you are happy, your life seems full, you seem successful, both personally and professionally. You love what you do, you love your family, your siblings, your husband, and you have all the time to travel, know the world, enjoy whatever you want… …then the miracles happen… … then you discover that still there is more… 2 years ago, I had no clue that my destiny was written, 2 years ago, I did not know that God had already reserved 3 creatures to be part of my life, of my soul… 2 years ago… who would guess? 2 years ago… who could ever dream? 2 years ago, the lessons life gave me made me happy with what I had, made me thank God for what He gave 2 years ago, no expectations were leading my life for something that I did not have… 2 years ago, I did not know that my heart was capable of so much love… 2 years ago, I did not know that we, were not 2, but 5… 2 years ago, I did not know that 2 could made 5 so happy, that 5 could make 2 so much happier… 2 years ago, I did not know I was married with the best father ever 2 years ago, I did not know that I could be a mother that I would be proud of… Life miracles, what are they?? Life miracles happened in our life when you less expect, you might not see it, you might loose it, if you get caught by problems, issues, instead of thanking… Being thankful, being glad, opening your heart and your soul to your destiny, your life, you might be presented to a gift… Gifts = miracles…. Yes, they do exist, and today, 2 years later, looking at that picture, and remembering the moment, so clear in my mind, and having been so glad and in love with my husband, I am glad that I enjoyed with all my heart all the moments, until my miracle happened… I have no regrets, I have nothing that I would change or I would have done differently… I just would have looked for my happiness before, I would have decided with my heart and not my brain, I would have done without fear what turned to be the biggest miracle of our lives… 2 years ago, we were happy 2… 2 years later, we are blessed, infinitely happier, gladder, and flooding in love 5… Life miracles exist, believe on them, dream on them, look for them, fight for them, and open a space in your heart, your soul for them… Miracle do exist, I am a witness of it, I am a victim of it, I am the happiest person in the world right now… Thanks God, thanks 2014 – you were tough, you were challenging, you made me cry, you made me smile, you gave my life miracle… …thanks 2014, looking forward to living you, 2015… :))) Blessings to everybody!!!!!
We know our friends when we need them, also our employer, our company!!
What kind of company do you want to work for when you lead a country full of challenges???? My choice is for a company with values, strong values, and which most valuable asset is people – costumer or employee. I have learned the hard way how to value a company, while I was in interviews, for my actual company, one of the last interviews, the interviewer has given me the perfect answer, the wished answer, the dream answer for the question “How do you take decision here in the company, how do you advise me to take decision when I am in doubt”, the answer was “Always ask what is the best for the patients, and you will know the right answer….”. This answer was key – I knew that the company was known for being decentralised, quick decision making and with great focus on patients and employees, but a company is a company, however, my hearth wanted to follow the goodness, I wanted to work following my hearth, I needed a lot to have new dreams, new hopes and new believes, so I joined them! My expectations were high, as were my fears, I was very much afraid of disappointing the new team, the new boss, the new group, were I ready to come to such a company? I was too much “clustered”, living a centralised world where decisions were taken on your behalf, and for each decision you had more than 4 levels or superiors to align. I remember during my first 6 months, after calling my boss for many little decisions, my boss told me “Lara, feel free to take the decisions alone, and if you feel more comfortable, send me a mail for information, you are general manager of the country, you are responsible so you have the freedom to lead it as you wish I am here to support in case of doubt or a decision which you feel like to discuss…” hmmmmm…. was it real? Well, surprise after surprise, you get used, and it is very easy to get used to be really able to lead a country, to be trusted and to be supported, I started to understand why the executives here were so professional, so creative, so diverse, but also so so so committed. The result of having so much freedom and being fully responsible and accountable to your business, is that it makes you also care more for the decisions, the strategy, the results, so the trust will not be broken, and you want also to make your team stronger, since you need all right information to get to the right decisions and you need them making their own decisions! Then, when the challenges come, as a marriage, you measure the real value and the “beauty” of the relation – this comes when you have difficulties, when you have to take difficult decisions, when one of the parts is not accomplishing for some reason. …and that must be well understood and supported from the other side, and you can either be patient, tolerant, listen, support and lead the partner to find the right solutions and then help to follow with the plan, or you can simply throw the blame, judge, loose trust and get to one side deciding and imposing solutions that might not be the best ones… A company with a GM in a country in difficulties is the same, and in this right moment you see which kind of marriage you are in! Well, in a hard way, most challenging phase of my professional life, I figured out that I have chosen the right marriage… I remembered the answer of my interviewer, a high executive – “Here in the company when there is a doubt you ask what is the best for patients, short and longer term…” And I am seeing it day after day, in all difficult decisions or complex moments I can tell that several persons from several departments from global, regional, have showed me the same approach… It is so good to have your values reinforced when you are going through a period of doubts, I am, day after day, happier for having decided for the right path… This week, more than once, my team and I have thanked for working in this company, we are proud of what we are trying to do, it is difficult to decide when there is no absolute right answer, it is difficult to follow a path if there is some light missing, but it is great to feel supported and backed up by a company and colleagues who are all thinking together to try to find the right way! I needed to write to express my gratitude, and to make it completely clear that there are companies that still put people first. This is the place for the executives who trust the hearth way. Do not accept less, if you work with your hearth, with your integrity, and you have courage – do not give up, keep looking – you will find the right marriage, there is still companies that deserve our dedication!!! :))) #bosses #companies #leadership
Knowing and Doing gap… why aren´t we just doing what we know????
Another concept that I have learnt this week, has to do with the biggest problem of the humanity, the laziness, the procrastination, the leaving for later what you should, could be doing now… And this is something that delays our learnings, our improvement, this is the “killers” of the “killers” for training, courses… At the same time it is the simplest of the simplest details for success… It is to start doing immediately whatever you decide that is important, whatever you learn, that will make a difference… If we know that listening more is important, why don’t we start immediately, why don’t we try to pay attention on how are we, so we can do differently? …An easiest one, if we do know that there are thousands of researches proving that meditating during the daily work for 5 to 10 minutes improves concentration, creativity and helps focusing, why don’t we just start? …I know, there are so many things that we could start doing that we are overwhelmed, and by having so much in mind, we end up with nothing… So why not making a list of the 3 things we want to get improved for the next period, next 3 weeks (let us be scientific, and apply the rule – a human being needs 21 days to make something a routing, a habit…)? I have picked mine: I started improving my listening, or better, I am trying to do so, by following the theory that repeating mentally what the person is saying then have a “yes, and…” answer in my mind, makes me listen to the person, agree with him/her, and makes much easier to work out the conversation… …ok here there were 2 things 😉 Listening, and answering “yes, and…” (I will share sometime this experience – was striking the learning in a Improvisation workshop!) The 3rd thing that I will work on (to be easier as involves clocks, time, etc… and not mental commitment) is that I will start meditating, everyday during the morning, probably at 10 am – Mindfulness meditation, being aware of my good feelings and state of mind – only 10 minutes a day, starting tomorrow, and I will try to compare my focus, patience, concentration, creativity and I will share with you!! And you? What are you going to start with? Simple changes make HUGE difference!!! 🙂 Mainly when you feel that you are making life of others better by being a better person to be around!
Germany, Germans! :) gratitude from a Brazilian
Frankfurt… last time here was in 2006, worldcup, year my mother passed away… …yesterday, gate C15 Lufthansa, 10:23, running like crazy to try to arrive on time, of course all the odds were against my urge to arrive home… My flight coming from Switzerland did work well, but a slight messing up in the halls of the Frankfurt airport is enough for you to make a 40 minutes not enough, then 10 minutes were between me and my kids…. arriving at the security line a huge mess, something found in some bag and nice tourists not previously warned really wanted to take with them the 5 sunscreen bottles bought very diligently for their “weltmeister pokales sommer” or something like this (summer of worldcup prize), which was nothing appealing for a Brazilian… “Sir, is this the fast lane for the leaving flight to Caracas?” “Ja…” “…then, are they also going to Caracas???? We are going to miss the flight…” “Nein, they go to Mexico…” “Sir, I go to Caracas, this is the fast lane to Caracas, isn’t it???” “Lady, patience, we need to solve this first… Are you in a hurry?” “????????????? My flight is leaving Sir…” ….. … at the C15 gate, all closed, but the plane staying still there as if it would be waiting for me, but again it was confirmed that tears do not work when the gate is officially closed and the whatever-airport-highest-command had closed it… I could not help myself and cried so much that the ladies asked if someone was dying at home… Nothing to do, but really, the worst thing that can happen in a business trip, that had already taken your Saturday, is for you to miss your flight back… I was crying until finding the service center counter and change my ticket to the next day, Sunday. Well, I went to the airport hotel, checked in and decided to choose for the find-the-positive-in-everything attitude my mother always taught me, and being in Frankfurt reminded me of my mother a lot! It was warm, very warm, 34C degrees! I took my Havaianas, left my luggage and went to the downtown… …WOW!!! I have never visited Frankfurt when I was living in Leverkusen, and when I was for the worldcup, I did not notice how beautiful Frankfurt was! The only detail was that WHENEVER I went, with my modest German, they asked me where I come from and after the answer “Brazil” a smile came up from EVERYBODY I met… 🙂 “Schade…” I heard this so many times, but it was in such a nice way, of most of them, that I almost felt sorry for myself! This is a side of the Germans that I did not know, and Germans keep surprising me positively, they really are polite and humble! All places that I visited, the politeness, the attention, it was not how I remembered of Germany, the summer, the warm weather, Das Pokal (the worldcup prize), I think everything was in favor for this happiness. The streets so clean, the places full of people, but still the queues run, the orientation of the people for you to find a street or a place were always so precise. …even the stress of the cashier when something was not working, finally in Germany all works… Suddenly I had an insight, a feeling, something that I think I needed to feel… Suddenly I was so glad that I had spent 17 years in a German company, in 6 different countries, I was happy that most of the success that I am being able to have is due to this learning, the structured way of thinking, the processes, the strive for perfection, many things that were catalyzers of my Japanese background! I am having this feeling of accomplishment later that feels so good, both in private as in professional life, I feel so happy to be brave enough not to accept circumstances that do not fit my life and yet take chances and opportunities that appear in a moment that you can not understand, and still feel ok with leaving behind something that you cherish so much and feel owing something to… Here and now I found the answer for it, we must be loyal, not to a company or persons, but certainly to their teachings and philosophy, and whatever happens in your life, important people who were part of it and companies, organizations, will know that they are part of your life path, successes mainly! For that I want to thank my previous company and all my colleagues from the past 17 years, having left does not mean that I do not appreciate or admire all I lived. Indeed I am very proud for having worked 17 years for Germans, I am very proud to say that most of what I learned and make me a good professional and person, I have learned from you Germans. I am very proud for having lost the worldcup for the Germans, there is no other nation in this moment of my life, for which I would be more proud to have given the Pokal to in my country! Thanks all Germans that were, are and will be part of my life, you are all an example to me!!
Bolo Fácil de banana para comer com café quentinho!
Modo de preparo: Bata no liquidificador primeiro o leite e as bananas. Depois tudo no liquidificador ou na batedeira. Unte a forma com buraco no meio e polvilhe com farinha. Deixe no forno a 150C por 45 minutos ou até estar sequinho! Coma com um café quentinho!
Listening – can we develop this skill??? :)
For years I have been hearing that one of my development opportunities is the listening, for years I have been quite aware that this is something that would make me a better person, before it would make me a better leader. Why then I could not improve it, why then, despite all efforts I could not work on it enough to feel myself that I, indeed, am a better person? Today during a very productive meeting, the majority of the colleagues had identified as a major symbol of respect to others – the listening skill – still the majority feels that there is a window of opportunity here. Coming back home, and looking to my old books, I have found the Harvard Business Review – Effective communication – specifically the first chapter “Listening to People” Ralph G. Nichols & Leonard A Stevens. WOW!!! HOW TO IMPROVE LISTENING SKILLS, AND THE SCIENCE BEHIND IT – AS SIMPLE AS THIS; We learn how to read, but we do not learn how to listen, not in schools… and yet, this is the most important way to learn, to teach and to make yourself a good leader. LISTENING IS A SKILL THAT ONE CAN BE TAUGHT. 2 basics for listening improvement: 1) Understand the factors that affects your listening 2) Build the experience to create the habits of good listening 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 1) The factors that affects your listening 1.1) Misuse of the “spare” thinking time while we listen Our brain has capacity to process around 200 – 300 words per minute while thinking; the average rate of speech is around 125 words per minute. While one talks 125 words per minute, the listener processes these 125 words and have a space of around other 100 to 200 words more to think…. If you are talking to your boss or to your husband, normally you are using this space to prepare what you want to talk next, mostly trying to deliver an idea, sometimes making you to interrupt at the moment you think that you should comment… A good listener fills this time differently… Well, we already know now that we must fill this space wiser… Be a better listener lesson 1 – use correctly the spare thinking space of your mind! …creating habits to fill the spare space of our mind; I. The listener tries to think ahead of the talker, trying to have the anticipation of what the conclusion would be, but at the talkers point of view – assure that has understood correctly! II. Weighting the evidence the talker is using – check how the talker is using the evidence to support the points being made III. Uses the spare space to to review and mentally summarizes the points of the talk IV. Pays attention to the non verbal language, face, body language and try to see if there are more than the words, to be able to ask the right questions to get the talkers message fully, even what he/she is not telling 1.2. Listening to facts instead of ideas – another factor of distraction Normally the talker wants to transmit an idea, not facts, the facts are just a road which helps to reach the final destination. The good listener can rebuild the facts, use other facts to confirm the idea that the talker is trying to deliver. This is probably the easier listening skills to be learnt! 1.3. Emotional Filters – other factor of “distraction: Listening ability is affected, in different degrees and different ways, by our emotions. We listen easily to what we believe and what we like to hear at the way that we reject, whatever is against what we believe… A good listener identifies these moments and behave differently from the “first reaction”… … and just listen the talker… ….how to do this, hoe to develop this skill? I. Withhold evaluation; This is one of the most important principles of learning. It requires self-control. While listening, the main objective should be to comprehend each point made by the talker. Judgments and decisions should be reserved until after the talker has finished. II. Hunting evidence, all of them… When we listen, it is human to go on a militant search for evidence which proves us right in what we believe. If we made our minds to seek out the ideas that might prove us wrong, as well as those that might prove us right, we are less in danger of missing what people have to say… 🙂 Finally I have realized that the first time this article was published was 1957… How such an “old” teaching can be so helpful and truth even now… This is millennium knowledge, meaning that this is something that we should have known… Something I should have worked on, at least to “payback the wonderful listener my husband is… …and now I will do for my whole family – the private one and the professional one! Well, this is my individual development challenge and what I am going to focus the next period – those who are close are welcome to support me and give me your feed back – all for a better world, made of better people, starting by myself!!! #forabetterLara
